


A Fateful Hallowe'en

by RavenclawJo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Family, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Lily Evans Potter Lives, Male-Female Friendship, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Marauders' Era, POV Lily Evans Potter, Paparazzi, Post-First War with Voldemort, Pregnancy, Siblings, Suicidal Thoughts, Young Harry Potter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2019-09-29 15:13:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17205758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenclawJo/pseuds/RavenclawJo
Summary: A 'What would would have happened if Lily lived?' fic. The story begins on All Hallow's Eve, 1981. Voldemort heeds Severus's pleading and does not use the killing curse on Lily, choosing to blast her out of the way instead. This small act changes everything...I've read a lot of different versions of 'Lily survives Halloween.' In my story there is no big rush to find all the Horcruxes and somehow kill Voldemort before Harry is even out of nappies. That is not what my story is about.The story is finished and posted on FanFiction.net in full. I'm posting chapters on here every Tuesday (Australian time)





	1. All Hallows' Eve

All Hallows' Eve 1981; it would be the second Halloween I had spent essentially under house arrest, after a prophecy had marked my baby son as rival to a psychopath wizard so feared that most didn't dare say his name aloud. It seemed ludicrous when you thought about it like that. How was this my life? I just wanted to be normal. I wanted to be able to leave the house, to have friends around for dinner parties, to be able to go to work, to go out for a date night with James, to take my son to the park… Stop that, I told myself firmly. Thinking like that doesn't help anything.

I crossed the room and twitched the curtain aside. The streetlights were coming on and the gleeful sounds of children trick or treating drifted into the cottage at Godric's Hollow. I smiled to myself, remembering happier times when I would dress up with Tuney and canvass the neighbourhood for sweets. It felt like a lifetime ago but really it was only 11 years since my last Halloween at home, before I went away to school. That Halloween I had gone as Minnie Mouse. Mum had made my outfit and I remembered being terribly pleased by the result, never minding that the red dress and bow clashed horribly with my dark red hair. The family dog Wally had even been dressed up as Goofy to fit the theme. Petunia had been adamant that she wasn't going. After all, she was a teenager now. Much too grown up to get excited by dress-ups and chaperoning her kid sister and her friends around the neighbourhood. On this occasion she eventually caved and donned a generic witch costume to accompany myself and the other little girls and boys who lived nearby.

I wonder if she was out trick or treating tonight? Her son – my nephew, was Harry's age after all. I nearly snorted out-loud at the picture in my head – that would be the last thing I could imagine my brother-in-law doing!

I glanced down at the sleepy toddler lying on the blanket beside me and although I knew I shouldn't, I allowed myself to daydream about the future - a time when it would be safe to dress up for Halloween with my young husband and happy baby. We would be dressed in theme of course and all James's mates would be involved somehow. Without question the marauders would go all out, especially Padfoot. They'd dress up Harry's pram as well and use it to store their haul. Of course 21 was an unusual age to be trick or treating, but we would use the excuse of a toddler to have some fun and be silly again.

I was startled out of my reverie by baby Harry starting to fuss and move about.

"Tired little fella?" asked James. "Here, I'll take you up."

"No I'll take him - I thought I remembered you saying you'd clean up the kitchen tonight." I grinned mischievously and scooped up little Harry. "Don't think I'd let you get away with that one James Potter!'

He groaned and made a show of getting to his feet but then grinned good-naturedly and reached for Harry. "C'mere tyke, lemme say goodnight."

I passed Harry over with a smile and collected his blanket off the floor. James started to tickle Harry and managed to crack a grin out of him. He then lifted Harry's shirt and blew a big raspberry on his tummy.

"Dada!" squealed Harry, and squirmed, kicking his legs. James laughed and ruffled Harry's mess of black hair that was just like his, before planting a kiss on his forehead and passing him back. He idly tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"I'll bring up a cuppa?"

"Thanks Jim, I…"

**BOOM!**

Oh god, that was the front door. He's found us. My breath caught in my throat and I froze with dread.

James was already moving. "Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!"

His voice spurred me into action and I made a dash up the stairs clutching Harry to my body.

Behind me I heard those dreaded words – ' _Avada Kedavra_ ' and I couldn't help risking a glance backwards from the top of the stairs. All I saw was a blaze of green light.

James is dead. I felt numb; my brain couldn't process it. My body seemed to be acting on its own accord as I sprinted up the hall to Harry's room. A million thoughts were flashing through my head. It felt like I was in a nightmare. He was here. How? James, what do I do? I fished for my wand with my free hand and my heart felt like it turned to ice as I suddenly realized it wasn't with me. It was sitting uselessly on the couch downstairs. I barged into Harry's room and locked the door behind me, as if that would make a difference. Futilely I tried to calm down and concentrate as I closed my eyes and made an attempt to apparate, but I felt the resistance that meant there were anti-apparation wards in place. I deposited Harry in the cot and glanced madly around the room. I started to grab furniture at random to barricade the door while Harry watched quietly. I could hear footsteps making their way deliberately up the hall. Oh god, is this really happening? I knelt down in front of the cot and started to croon softly.

"Harry. Harry, you are loved. You are so loved. Harry, Mama loves you. Dada loves you. Harry, be safe. Be strong." The door burst open showering debris everywhere and I turned to shield Harry from it. He laughed to find us standing there so vulnerable.

"Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!"

"Stand aside you silly girl… stand aside now."

"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead… " He gestured impatiently with his wand for me to move.

"Not Harry! Please … have mercy … have mercy… Not Harry! Please – I'll do anything!"

He raised his wand and a powerful wave of magic hit me right in the chest; it was the most excruciating thing I'd ever felt and the world went dark as I was blasted backwards against the wall.


	2. Alive

Everything hurt. There was a searing pain in my chest as if it was on fire, and there was a deep throbbing in my head. I fought to crack my eyes open and immediately had to close them again against the harsh light.

"Lils?" a hand clutched at mine, holding it tight.

"James?" I croaked. A pause, and the memory thudded into my chest.

"Ah… no… It's Moony." I remember. James is gone. I still felt numb. I forced my eyes open again.

"Harry?" Trying to stop the hope welling inside me.

"He's alive Lils! He was unconscious as well when they found you both but he's awake now! The healers are checking him but they think he'll be alright." His hand squeezed mine again. I tried to sit up but the pain nearly made me pass out again.

"Need to… see him." I managed.

"Just as soon as they finish their checks Lils. It's okay - don't try to move. Do you…do you remember…" But I had drifted back into unconsciousness.

I came to again. The throbbing in my head had abated slightly but it still felt as though my heart had been ripped out. As my eyes adjusted to the light I made out a familiar man sitting by my bed. "Dumbledore."

He smiled sadly at me. "I'm so glad to see you awake my dear."

"How long have I…?"

Dumbledore hesitated for a second then said, "It's November 2nd. You did awake for a short time yesterday."

"Is Harry…?" I asked hesitantly.

"Oh yes, yes, he's right here." Dumbledore got to his feet and carefully levitated a crib from where I hadn't seen it at the foot of my bed to over beside me. I struggled to sit up and Dumbledore came over to help. "Slowly, take it easy my dear." He murmured. I gently shrugged away his hand and reached down to stroke Harry's cheek. I could hardly see for the tears that had suddenly sprung into my eyes. He was asleep and looked so relaxed and peaceful. As I gently brushed the hair away from his eyes my breath caught.

"Dumbledore… what is…?"

"Ah yes, he will have that scar all his life I expect." More softly he went on, "I imagine that's where the killing curse struck him."

I gaped at him, my eyes full of questions. "How?" I breathed.

"I am only guessing, but I believe that when Voldemort turned his wand on little Harry here, a very powerful protective magic caused the curse to rebound back onto himself."

"What magic?"

Instead of answering, Dumbledore asked me a question. "Do you remember anything that happened that night?"

"Yes," I said thickly, "I remember it all. James … he tried to protect us… Voldemort killed him first." Grief threatened to overcome me but I pushed it aside and continued. "I took Harry upstairs and he followed us. I… I pleaded for Harry's life, I told him to kill me instead. I thought he did… it felt like I died. I still can't believe we're both alive." I broke down then and started to cry. Dumbledore squeezed my shoulder gently.

"Well, Lily, I believe I'm right. You are the reason Harry is alive. You would have died for Harry, and that sacrifice of pure love was enough to protect him. The healers told me that you were hit by an extremely powerful strike spell."

"Why didn't he just kill me?" I asked.

Dumbledore paused a while before answering. "We may never know why he decided to spare you. The fact that you meant to die for Harry, that you surrendered yourself, was enough to protect him." Dumbledore sat back in the chair and watched for a while as I stroked Harry's face and wild hair, unable to tear my eyes away from him. A question occurred to me.

"So Voldemort is…gone?"

Dumbledore sighed. "There are some that believe he is gone. I believe it's more likely he is…biding his time. Gone for now but not gone forever."

I nodded. Dumbledore would know. Couldn't get rid of the bastard that easily.

Dumbledore was just getting up to leave when the door of my private hospital room opened suddenly and a giant hairy face peered in.

"Lily, yer awake!" cried Hagrid joyously. "An there's young Harry." Happy tears started to run down his face and he mopped at them with an oversized handkerchief. "Sorry, sorry. Jus so glad to see yer alive. So sorry abou' James Lily. Tragedy, that. Jus no words. Oh, sorry to interrupt professor, I'll be goin then."

"No, no it's fine Hagrid, I was just leaving," said Dumbledore. He had already left the room and started down the corridor when Hagrid called out

"Oh professor, sir, just wanted to say I've got young Mr Black's bike, taken it round to my place jus now, thought you'd want to know."

"Thank you Hagrid." I heard Dumbledore reply.

"Oh," I said, "when's Sirius coming to visit?"

Hagrid stiffened. "Ahhh I think that's a question for Dumbledore." He called down the corridor. "Sir!"

Within a couple of seconds Dumbledore was back in the room. He exchanged a meaningful look with Hagrid who stepped back out into the corridor, closing the door behind him.

"Well, Lily," Dumbledore began, "I'm sure it has occurred to you that you must have been betrayed the night of Halloween for Voldemort to find you so easily, hidden as you were by the fidelius charm. I'm sure I don't need to remind you that Sirius Black, being your secret keeper…"

"No," I interrupted.

"No?"

"He wasn't our secret keeper."

Now it was Dumbledore's turn to stare at me.

"We switched last minute. Everyone knew he was James's best mate, the obvious choice. Sirius didn't want to risk giving us up under torture."

"For whom did you switch for?" Dumbledore asked slowly.

"Peter Pettigrew." Realisation grew in me even as I said the name. I had been so wrapped up in grief about James and worry for Harry I hadn't pieced together who our traitor had to have been. A sick, cold feeling settled itself deep in the pit of my stomach.


	3. Visitors

"What do you mean he's in Azkaban?" My words were spoken quietly and deliberately, but the coolness in my tone made even Dumbledore shrink slightly.

"Well, ah, we thought he was your secret keeper Lily. The circumstances when we found him… all those innocent muggles…"

"So you just chucked him in Azkaban did you? Didn't bother to ask what happened? Didn't think to CHECK HIS WAND?" My raised voice woke Harry and he started to cry. I glared at Dumbledore and scooped Harry up to comfort him.

"I'm sorry Lily, I…" Dumbledore started.

" _I'm_  not the one you should be apologising to." I snarled, quieter now as I rocked Harry. "Is that how little you trust him? I thought you knew him. You thought he'd be a traitor because of his family? He's the polar opposite to his family! And never mind that he's as good as James's brother! How could you even contemplate that he would betray James - of all people! And sell out his beloved godchild! And what, he doesn't even deserve a trial? Not even a chance to explain his actions?"

Dumbledore moved as if to say something but I wasn't done.

"And if I had died – what then? Would he have rotted in Azkaban for the rest of his life?"

"Lily, I…" Dumbledore started.

"I don't want to hear it" I cut him off. "Please leave." Dumbledore bowed his head and backed graciously out of the room.

I fell back into my bed weakened by my outburst. My head was throbbing worse than ever and Harry was still crying despite my shushing and rocking. _Fuck you Dumbledore_ , I thought as I looked at the door through which he had gone. I was still glaring at the door when it opened again. This time it was Abby, one of the nurses I had worked with for the short time I had been at St Mungo's.

"Jeeeesus if looks could kill!"

"Sorry Abs. I was…erm, a bit upset with my last visitor."

"Yeah you don't say! Here – " She reached over and popped Harry's dummy in his mouth. "I'll give him his bath and something to eat in a sec. You look like you could do with another dose of this." She placed down the goblet she had been carrying and poured a dose into a cup for me. It smelt wonderful and I swallowed it without hesitating. At once the throbbing in the back of my head began to ease and I started to feel a little calmer.

"Ahhh thanks Abs, you're a lifesaver."

"It's what I do." She shrugged her shoulders and smiled wryly. "You know you fractured the back of your skull," she went on conversationally. "The bones should be knitted back together by now but it'll still be tender for a while."

"And my chest?" I asked.

"Precisely aimed strike curse – not sure which one. Nasty bit of dark magic. It actually stopped your heart for a few seconds. Lucky you're so young and fit – it damn near killed you."

* * *

I had more visitors that day. Moony came and sat with me again. He kept berating himself for believing everyone who said that Padfoot was the spy. Ironically it was today that James and I had been planning on having him around to dinner and telling him about the switch. He hadn't seen Padfoot yet, but apparently he had been moved to the Ministry for questioning and it was only a matter of time until he was released. It had fallen to Moony to start making preparations for James's funeral and memorial service. He kept pressing me to help choose things – the casket, the flowers, but I couldn't focus; it still didn't feel real to me. I kept half expecting James to waltz through the door with a playful smile and his hair all messed up saying 'gotcha, here I am!'

Millicent Bagnold, the Minister for Magic herself stopped by quickly. I was shocked that she would come personally to St Mungo's to enquire about my health and that of Harry's. It was only then that I started to properly realise how talked about we were and how famous we were becoming – especially Harry. Apparently the wizarding world had gone mad celebrating on November 1st when news broke that a one year old had vanquished Lord Voldemort. I was pleased to hear Bagnold call him by name. She seemed a tough no-nonsense sort of witch – exactly the type of Minister we needed in these times.

Later in the day there was suddenly a commotion all through St Mungo's. No-one would tell me what had happened, but I gathered from overhearing people outside my door that some of Voldemort's most fanatic followers had attacked a pair of aurors to try and torture answers out of them as to what had happened to their leader. I was about to go crazy with frustration not knowing who it was when Mary MacDonald stepped into my room. She had red puffy eyes and had clearly been crying. I felt my chest constrict a little – I didn't know how much more grief my body could take.

"Oh Lily, have you heard? It's…it's the Longbottoms."

"No!" I cried "Not…not Frank and Alice?!" Mary could only nod, tears streaming down her face. This couldn't be real. I was going to wake up soon and this would all be an awful nightmare. There was hardly anyone left. The deaths of Dorcas and Marlene only a couple of months ago were still unbearably fresh. I started to sob and Mary came and held me. I was crying for them all. My dear Alice, Frank, my beloved James, Dorcas, Marlene, Edgar, the Prewett twins. The marauders were shattered – James dead, Padfoot in Azkaban, Pettigrew turned traitor - Moony was the only one I had. Mary was a good friend too, although we hadn't been the closest at school. My mind strayed to Severus but I pushed that thought away quickly – he was as good as dead to me now.

Even more people tried to stop by, including the press. The healers could see how drained and emotional I was and tried to move everyone on, but it was like they needed to see us with their own eyes. I could already see the way they looked at us – Harry in particular. I heard someone whisper 'The Boy Who Lived.'


	4. Reunited

I squinted my eyes against the early morning sun streaming into the room. Harry still slept soundly in the crib beside me. I had found out from Abby that he had been getting very mild sleeping draughts, as his scar was still stinging and preventing him from sleeping properly.

For once it was just the two of us alone in the room. Just the two of us… my heart ached for James. No more tears came just then. I had cried myself to sleep the previous night and felt completely drained and empty. Physically though I felt a lot better than the previous day. I slowly eased myself out of bed into a standing position. Everything spun slightly and I steadied myself against the bed. Painful, but not too bad. I could move at least. I decided to take advantage of this quiet time to have a shower.

After my shower I was pleased to see that breakfast had been brought in.

An older nurse I didn't know was fussing over Harry. "Hi, I'm Julie. How are you this morning?"

"Better thanks, I sure needed that shower." She gestured to the table and chairs set up by my bed.

"Here, sit down here and help yourself. I'm just going to change young Harry here."

"Oh, I can do that!" I protested.

"I'm already doing it," she said while briskly carrying Harry over to the change table. "You dig in, you need to get your strength back."

"Oh alright then," I conceded as I sat down. I was actually starving.

As I finished breakfast, the door burst open again and a wild dishevelled looking man was standing in front of me.

"Padfoot!" I cried joyfully and tried to stand as fast as I could. He crossed the room in three strides and wrapped me up in a massive bear hug.

"Oh really, it's not visiting hours yet!" protested the nurse. We ignored her and continued to hold onto each other as if for dear life. "Humph, fine then." She released Harry and he toddled over towards us. Sirius broke away from me and gathered up Harry with glee.

"Harry!" he cried as he held him up over his head.

"Paddy!" exclaimed Harry with a wide grin.

"I can't believe they put you straight in Azkaban!" I raged. "For god's sake even known death eaters get a trial!"

"Yeah I know right! Goes to show how little they think of me I guess. Dumbledore is sure off my Christmas card list – he's only the head of the Wizangamot after-all."

"What happened Padfoot, did you have a trial?"

"Nah," drawled Sirius. "They just asked for my version of events, then asked me again under Veritaserum and checked my wand. Had to tell them about us being animagi." He aimed a half-hearted kick at my bedside table.

"What do you mean you had to tell them?"

"Well obviously they wanted to know how Pet– Wormtail escaped, so I had to explain that he's an unregistered animagus. They kept drilling me with questions and 'cuz I was under Veritaserum it all came out. Tried to fight it but it all just blurted out. Horrible feeling." He shuddered.

"So they know the full story then, even about Remus's…?"

"Time of the month? Yeah, the whole thing."

"Damn."

"Bastards still fined me for being unregistered though! You'd think they'd let me off given they just chucked me in Azkaban without a shred of proof."

"I can't believe that!" I exclaimed. "Bastards." I cleared my throat. "So… no one really told me what happened. You found Pettigrew then?"

"Oh I tracked the little rat down. Faked his own death the snivelling coward. Blew up the whole street including 12 muggles, then cut off his own finger and disappeared straight down the sewers as Wormtail. At least the ministry know they're looking for a literal rat now." He suddenly hugged me again, sandwiching Harry between us. "Christ Lils, I'm so glad you're still here."

* * *

"So, tell me what happened? From the beginning."

Sirius and I were now seated in my hospital room talking quietly. I held Harry on my lap - he was intently studying a soft toy that a well-wisher had sent.

"I thought something was up with Peter that night Lils. I'd just been to his place and he wasn't there, so I went to Godric's Hollow next, and well… obviously something terrible had happened. All the wards were down and it looked like there had been an explosion. No dark mark above the house though, so I took hope from that. Hagrid had got there just before I did. He was upstairs when I arrived. The front door was gone. I walked in and straight away… straight away I saw James." Sirius broke down at this point.

"It should have been me! I'm so sorry Lily! I'm so sorry, I'll never forgive…"

"Hey, stop it," I cut in. "None of this was your fault. We all agreed to the switch. James…" I choked up for a second, unable to get the words out. "It's how he would have wanted it Si, he died facing up to Voldemort, protecting his family."

We sat there in silence for a minute composing ourselves, remembering. Sirius took a deep breath and continued. "Well, I couldn't do anything for James. I forced myself to walk up the stairs, dreading what I'd find. The door to Harry's room was in pieces. When I walked in I thought my worst nightmare had come true. You both looked dead. Harry wasn't moving in his crib. You…you were against the wall. There was blood all around you. Hagrid obviously thought you were dead. He was crouched down in the corner crying. I did a diagnostic charm to check – auror training, you know. And you were both alive! I couldn't believe it! I shouted at Hagrid and we rushed you both here as fast as I could. I stuck around long enough to know you were going to make it." His eyes narrowed then and his voice took on a cold tone, "And then I went to hunt out the rat."


	5. Unexpected News

Later that day the healer had come into my room for a consultation to see how I was feeling and check whether I was ready to be discharged the following day.

"Now, Lily," he began. "The extent of your injures were quite severe, as I'm sure you know. You fractured the back of your skull quite badly and had some bleeding on the brain. Thankfully that has resolved and there does not seem to be any permanent damage."

He glanced down at his clipboard. "Secondly, the dark curse used on you hit you square in the chest, stopping your heart for a short time and weakening it significantly. You're very lucky it did not kill you. Although your heart is still a little weak, you have been responding well to the potions you have received. It will be a number of weeks before you will be back to your full strength, so you must take it very easy for the next month and continue taking your potions for a further 2 weeks."

He paused for a moment and looked at me closely. "One final thing. Our diagnostic charms when you arrived showed up something else… it seems you are about 4 weeks pregnant."

I stared at him in shock, unable to find the words to say anything.

"Yes, well, I didn't think you would have known. You very nearly lost the baby. We did everything we could and managed to save it, and all our checks say that the baby is now perfectly healthy. You will still need to have regular check ups. It seems both your children are fighters." He smiled wryly at me. "I'll leave you to process this information - I can see it has been a bit of a shock to you. Do you have any questions before I leave?"

"Oh… ummm… not right now," I managed to mumble.

I was left lying in my hospital bed reeling with shock. This isn't how it's supposed to go! I can't do this on my own! I'm only 21! I was starting to panic and hyperventilate a little. I put my head between my knees and hugged my legs, trying to hold it together and slow down my breathing. James, where are you when I need you! It really started to sink in for me then – James wasn't ever going to come back. I was going to have to do this all myself – the pregnancy, birth, bringing up two little kids. The part that really hurt was that James hadn't even known. I hadn't really felt any changes at all so no reason to take a pregnancy test. He would have been over the moon with the news. He had always wanted a big family. A whole Quidditch team he had sometimes joked.

The tears started again then – how much could one person cry?! I should surely be shrivelled up by now, but no, still the tears kept coming. The back of my throat was aching as I tried to cry without making a noise.

"Mama?" I hadn't realised Harry was awake.

"Oh Harry." I lifted him up onto my lap. "Hey little fellow, what's up?"

He reached up and touched my wet cheek. "Dada?"

God, talk about a punch to the chest. "Dada isn't here Harry. I know you miss him."

"Want Dada!" He wailed. I hugged him to me and rocked him.

"I know, I know. Me too. Me too Harry. I want Dada too…"

After we had both had a good cry Harry settled and we lay there quietly.

"Boom?" asked Harry.

"Your broom? It's at home. We'll have to go get it, won't we?" That was one of the first things I had to do when I was out of here I guess – see what was salvageable at the cottage. I didn't think much of Harry's things would have made it though, given Sirius's description of the state of his room. I wonder if anyone had found my wand? I wonder if Tufty was alright? God, I hadn't even thought about the cat. I felt terrible. The poor thing, she'd be terrified, not to mention hungry. Maybe Bathilda had thought to bring her some food.

There was a knock on my door.

"Lily? It's me and Moony."

"Come in." Padfoot and Moony walked in and sat down on the seats by my bed. Harry lit up when he recognised Moony and held his arms out to him. Remus took him gladly. "Hey Harry! Good to see you little mate."

"Moony, Paddy," said Harry happily.

"Hello terror" said Sirius and ruffled up Harry's hair, which made him smile, and then Remus started to tickle him, which never failed to make him laugh. I smiled at the sound of it.

"So Lily," started Sirius. "What did the healer say? All good to leave here tomorrow?"

"Yeah all good. Have to take it easy, take my potion, etcetera, but he said I'm right to go." I wasn't going to mention the rest of what the healer had said until I had got my head around it myself.

Sirius gave my hand a squeeze "That's great Lils!"

"Yes, excellent news," agreed Remus. He cleared his throat. "So um… everything is arranged for tomorrow – 11 am graveside service at St Jerome's, and then Bathilda has kindly agreed to have the wake at her place." I reached for Remus's hand as well.

"Thank you so much for organising everything Moony. I'm so sorry I…"

Remus cut me off. "Don't even think about apologising Lils. You weren't in any state to have to be thinking about that as well, and I was so glad to have something to do. I just hope its ok… I hope that…"

Sirius gripped his shoulder. "I'm sure it's what James would have wanted. It'll be fine – better than fine."

"Lily," began Remus again hesitantly. "Padfoot and I are both saying a few words. Did you… did you want to say anything too?"

"Oh. I don't…I don't know. I'm not sure if I will be able to."

"Have a think about it Lils. Everyone will understand if you can't, you know that."

"Have you thought about where you'll live when you get out of here?" asked Sirius. He continued in a rush "Because you're more that welcome to stay with me – I'd love it actually to have some company, and I can help look after Harry. But if you'd prefer to have your own space I more than understand…" I interrupted him with a quiet laugh.

"I'd love to stay with you Padfoot. Thank you."

Sirius grinned "Great! I hoped you'd say that."

Moony chimed in, "You're more than welcome at my place too Lils, especially if you just need some quiet time to get away from everyone. It's just… you know… my 'Furry Little Problem'… I didn't think it would be safe for you to live there at those times…"

"I understand Moony. Thanks so much - I'm sure there will be lots of times when a quiet moment in the woods is exactly what I need."

We lapsed into a comfortable silence.

"What day is it today?" I asked suddenly. "I can't keep track in here."

"It's Tuesday," answered Remus. "November 3rd ," he added.

"Oh! Sirius I'm so sorry – it's your birthday! God, I completely forgot, I…"

"Gee, how could you forget… it's not like there has been anything else going on," joked Sirius. "I forgot myself actually – it wasn't until this one here cracked an old fart joke that I remembered I was 22 today."

"Look out, your memory's already going."

 


	6. James's Funeral

Today was the day – I was finally getting discharged from St Mungo's. Today was also the day I had to say goodbye to my husband. To say I was a mix of emotions was an understatement. Remus and Sirius were coming to collect Harry and I at ten so we could get a portkey together to Godric's Hollow. The initial plan was to just apparate, which would have been a lot simpler, however my healer had warned me against apparating while pregnant. I hadn't been able to tell the boys about the baby yet so I used Harry as my excuse, saying that he hated the sensation and would cry for ages afterwards.

I had just been officially signed off and therefore free to move where I pleased, and there was still an hour until Sirius and Remus came to collect us. It was quiet in the hospital, as it wasn't visiting hours yet, so I took my opportunity and padded quietly down the corridor. I paused at the correct door and took a deep breath before pushing it open and walking into the room. There they were - both asleep as if nothing had ever happened. Someone had pushed their hospital beds together and their arms were gently touching. I smiled sadly and took a seat beside Alice, the closest girlfriend I'd ever had. I gently took hold of her hand and she stirred but didn't wake.

"Oh Alice, I'm so sorry this happened to you. You didn't deserve this – you and Frank are the best, most kindest people I know. We'll get the monsters that did this to you, I promise." Alice's eyelids flickered and I took that as a sign to continue.

"The healers say it's hopeless - that you won't ever get your memories back but I'm not going to accept that. I'm going to do everything I can Ali. There's got to be a way – I'm going to keep fighting for you both. Both of you just hang in there, I'm going to fix this." I paused for a moment, pulling myself together.

"And don't worry about Neville – I'll look out for him. You're the best mum Alice, so caring and motherly and I can't come close to that, but I can tell him all the stories. All the things we got up to at school; I'll tell him how you met, about the wedding, how excited we were when we found out we were both pregnant at the same time. I'll tell him all the things he won't remember. I'll show him the photos I have of his first Christmas. Remember that Ali – our two little chubby babies dressed up in matching elf onesies! They were adorable." I smiled sadly, remembering.

"It's not fair! How come I get to watch my son grow up but you two are shells, and James is gone completely. Why was I spared?" My voice was raised now but still neither of them stirred.

"I'm sorry. I should be thankful. It's a miracle really, that Harry and I are both alive." I took a deep breath.

"Alice I… I'm going to have another baby. I found out yesterday. The healer said it's going to be born in June. When I found out I so badly wanted to tell James, and then the next person I wanted to tell was you. You'd have been godmother - you know that." I was clutching her hand tightly now and dripping tears onto the sheets. "I love you Alice, love you Frank. I'll tell Neville every time I see him how much you love him, until you're able to tell him yourselves."

* * *

With a jolt we all arrived by portkey in a small park on the wizarding side of Godric's Hollow. I stumbled but managed to stop Harry and myself from tumbling onto the grass. It was a short walk from there to the church and Padfoot, Moony and I walked together in silence, all absorbed in our own thoughts. Even Harry was quiet, sensitive to the somber moods of the people around him.

Mourners were just starting to arrive at the church. I felt like I was outside of my body watching myself go through the motions of greeting everyone. It was a massive turnout. There were people there that I hadn't seen in years – heaps of people from school, everyone from the Gryffindor quiddich team from James's second year to his last year. Most of the teachers were there. All the remaining members of the Order - which was a heartbreakingly small number now. I was glad to see Alastor Moody, who had been James's mentor. Numerous members of the ministry were in attendance. Nearly every old wizarding family – those that weren't pureblood fanatics, were present – the Abbotts, the Weasleys, the Macmillans, Amelia Bones and Augusta Longbottom.

It was a beautiful crisp autumn day and there was a gentle breeze rustling through the cemetery. As cemeteries go it was a very old and pretty one. At this time of year there were no wild flowers, but the wreaths laid on numerous graves added plenty of colour. In another lifetime James and I would probably have taken Harry out for a picnic at the nearby park. If we were all alone James might have even changed into his stag form and allowed Harry to sit on his back, much to his delight. I inwardly shook myself. Those days were only memories now; I'd never see James again, never hear his laugh, never be kissed by him, never see him as Prongs...A nudge from Remus brought me back to the present. We were all being ushered over to James's freshly dug grave for the service. It was up a small incline and in a nice shaded spot, beside a large elder tree.

Dumbledore was presiding over the ceremony.

"Welcome everyone. We are here today to pay tribute to James Charlus Potter, born on the 27th of March 1960, the cherished only son of Fleamont and Euphemia Potter. He was taken from us all too soon on October 31st aged only 21. He leaves behind his beloved wife Lily, and his precious young son, Harry."

He gave me a nod and I passed Harry over to Sirius and felt myself move forward, over to the coffin. I paused for a moment, brushing the deep mahogany wood of the casket, trying to summon the strength to get through this.

"Thank you all for coming. I know James would have been deeply honored to see so many people here to remember him. He would have been sad to miss out on this gathering I'm sure. James was something different for all of you. For me, he was my best friend and my soulmate. It wasn't love at first sight…" There were a few soft chuckles through the crowd at this. "But it was love. For Harry he was simply Dada, this wonderful man who loved us, protected us and made us laugh." I was starting to choke up. "I wish we had more time together… I wish Harry was old enough to have memories of his dad…" I couldn't get the words out. "I'm sorry, I can't…"

I made my way back over to Sirius, Remus and Harry not really seeing where I was going, as my eyes were a blur of tears. I leant into Sirius and he wrapped a protective arm around me.

McGonagall came forward to speak next. I wasn't really paying too much attention to what she was saying as I was still getting my grief under control. I could hear the pride in her voice however as she spoke of James's extraordinary talent at her subject. She recounted a few of the more incredible pranks that she remembered which resulted in numerous smiles and outright laughs. She also spoke fondly of James's skill on the Quidditch pitch. She referred to him as one of the best and brightest of his time and remarked sadly that like so many others he was taken way before his time was up.

Dumbledore stepped forward again and I pushed away my anger with him to listen to what he had to say. His words were succinct, praising James's bravery and Gryffindor courage right up to his last moments. He spoke about how he was the most loyal friend you could find and a loving husband and father who would do anything to protect his friends and little family. He talked briefly about James's work with the Order of the Phoenix, although he didn't mention the Order by name, fighting against evil and fighting for the rights of all wizard kind. He closed with a poem by John Donne.

_Death, be not proud, though some have callèd thee_

_Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so:_

_For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow_

_Die not, poor Death; nor yet canst thou kill me._

_From Rest and Sleep, which but thy picture be,_

_Much pleasure, then from thee much more must flow;_

_And soonest our best men with thee do go—_

_Rest of their bones and souls' delivery!_

_Thou'rt slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,_

_And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell;_

_And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well_

_And better than thy stroke. Why swell'st thou then?_

_One short sleep past, we wake eternally,_

_And Death shall be no more: Death, thou shalt die!_

It was classic Dumbledore. You could see most people struggling to understand the meaning behind it, but strangely it just sounded – right. I felt myself mellow a little towards the old wizard.

Sirius and Remus stood up together to speak. Remus went first.

"Everyone has mentioned how loyal James was to his friends. I was lucky enough to be able to call myself one of his closest friends. Most people here wouldn't know quite how far James went to be there for one of his friends – to be there for me." He took a breath and said the next bit in a rush. "It was our biggest secret at school but it's all going to come out in the papers so I may as well tell all of you here." He inhaled deeply again before continuing.

"I turn into a werewolf on the full moon."

There were small gasps from the crowd; a lady I didn't know even took a step back.

"My friends found out when we were in our second year of Hogwarts. I thought that was it, I was going to have to leave school, I'd never have any friends again and I would have understood too. But James and my other two friends wouldn't accept that. They knew me; they told me I wasn't a monster. They went one further – they decided to become unregistered animagi to be there with me when I changed, as the bite of a werewolf only affects people in human form. They succeeded in our fifth year."

McGonagall's face was a picture of shock and amazement.

"James was a stag. That's where his nickname comes from – he was Prongs. I just… I wanted you all to know that. It summed him up well I think – so proud, so graceful and strong. If you ever saw his patronus then that's what he looked like – a magnificent deer with towering antlers. I'll never forget what he did for me, what all my friends did for me."

Sirius stepped forward then, unashamedly wiping away tears. "God, how do I follow that?" He gripped Remus's shoulder briefly before tucking away his handkerchief. "I'll start from the beginning I guess. The first time I met James was on the Hogwarts Express. He was a cocky little eleven year old, boasting about his family and how he was going to be in Gryffindor just like his dad." Sirius grinned.

"He badly needed his head deflating but he was so bloody good at everything that you couldn't really blame him for being a bit self-assured. Those early years at Hogwarts were the best of my life. Together with James, Remus and another who I won't name - we became the Marauders. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. To say we got up to a bit of mischief was an understatement. James and I were tied for the record of most number of detentions by sixth year; a record I don't think will ever be equaled. I know that the equipment lists are being sent out now with a disclaimer in capitals down the bottom – 'PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICK.' I'm sorry to say that James was the one that ruined it for everyone."

"I knew it!" called someone in the crowd.

Sirius chuckled and continued. "Those of us that had brooms all mucked around with them a bit, as eleven year old do. We'd always be on them when we weren't supposed to be; one of our favourite things to do was to hold broomstick races down the hallways. No one was ever seriously injured but it caused a fair amount of mayhem. But the last straw I think was a prank James thought up on his own. He dressed himself up as an owl, complete with a mask and even got a senior to transfigure some wings for him. It was very well done. Anyway, there we were all down at breakfast when the owls start coming in with the morning post. I think you know where I'm going with this now. So in comes James flying in on his broom looking like some freakish giant owl. He crashes down on the Gryffindor table – pumpkin juice went everywhere, it was an absolute mess. Then cool as you please he holds his leg out to me with the newspaper attached. I could barely take it I was laughing that hard. Then he hoots – actually hoots! And then flies off with the rest of the owls." Sirius had to pause for a moment for the laughs to die down.

"Yeah, that was the end of first years being allowed brooms. All jokes aside though, James really grew up between sixth year and our final year. I think some of it was because he'd just lost his parents. Some of it was the responsibility of being Head Boy, and a lot of it was the influence of his wife-to-be – Lily Evans." Sirius paused and gave me a gentle smile.

"James was more than a friend to me – he was my brother. When my family disowned me at the age of 16 the Potters took me in. They become my family. People often mistook James for my brother and we never corrected them, because he was my brother. Getting to stand beside him as best man at your wedding Lily, that was one of my proudest moments. And I'll never forget the joy and celebrations when Harry was born. He loved you both so much."

Sirius's voice was starting to crack. "I'll never forget you mate. It sure won't ever be the same without you here. Rest easy brother."

There wasn't a dry eye left in the crowd. Sirius, Remus, Mad-Eye and Dumbledore each took up position at one of the four corners of the grave. In unison they raised their wands and the casket slowly levitated upwards a few centimeters, then moved over the hole and gently floated downwards to settle at the bottom of the grave. Dumbledore gestured with his wand and the mound of soil moved across to gracefully fill in the hole. The four men then angled their wands up to the sky and a massive plume of golden sparks and smoke burst forth. The form of a glorious stag could be seen within the smoke. As it all cleared it could be seen that a white marble headstone now marked the grave. The inscription on it read, ' _The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.'_


	7. Wake

I was going to punch someone. Specifically, I was going to punch a middle-aged lady who had just finished telling me she "knew exactly how I felt, as her father had recently passed away." She had then proceeded to make cooing noises at Harry and touched his scar before I was able to react. I forced a smile and quickly excused myself, walking briskly outside and breathing a sigh of relief to find there wasn't anyone else nearby. I moved behind a tree before anyone could spot me and deposited Harry in the shade. He was getting so heavy. Sirius and Remus had both tried to take turns looking after him but he was getting upset when he was taken away from me. I didn't really blame him – as far as Harry could understand his dad had disappeared one night and had never come back; it was no wonder he wanted to stick close to me. It didn't help that strange people kept peering at him and touching his forehead. I closed my eyes, leant my forehead against the tree and took some deep breaths. Who even was that lady? What a thoughtless thing to say!

I didn't know if I could face going back in there. The wake had been passing by in a bit of a blur. Most people seemed to be enjoying themselves. There was lots of reminiscing, lots of laughter and toasts, which would have been how James would have wanted it. I just wanted to go home and curl up by myself but I was expected to speak to everyone - accept their condolences, talk about James, talk about how much Harry looked like James… it was too much for me just now. Although I had to admit it had been nice to hear all the old stories again. I thought I had heard of or been witness to just about all of the marauders' exploits but to my surprise I had heard a few new stories. Of course so many of the stories included Pettigrew, which only reminded everyone how unthinkable it was that he had betrayed his closest friends. There was an undercurrent of anger and disbelief that tainted the atmosphere.

Harry was tugging on my robes.

"Where dada?" That was the fourth time he had asked me. I suppressed a frustrated groan and scooped him up again.

"Dada is gone, remember Harry? We're having a big party to say goodbye to dada." I couldn't stay out here forever. I squared my shoulders and took a deep breath before re-entering the marquee. It had been erected in Bathilda Bagshot's sizable garden and charmed to be bigger on the inside to accommodate all the mourners. Hovering in mid-air inside were silver platters of food and refreshments so everyone could help themselves. Along the edges of the marquee were beautiful arrangements of white lilies and red roses. Remus really had outdone himself.

I was pleased to see the crowd had thinned out a lot, as it was late in the afternoon now and people were heading home. I glanced around the room and spied Remus leaning clumsily against the wall on the other size of the marquee. He had evidently had a number of Firewhiskeys and I could see that he had gotten into a heated discussion with Dumbledore. Mary Macdonald intercepted me and was offering to babysit Harry whenever I needed, when snatches of their angry exchange became audible over all the other conversations.

"…ASSURED ME HE WAS THE SPY!" That was Remus's voice. Dumbledore's response was inaudible. "…would have let him rot! … no issue with a death eater swapping sides…"

"Please ...not the same…" responded Dumbledore.

"Trust Snape over him… …TOLD YOU HE WOULDN'T BETRAY THEM!"

Sirius and I exchanged startled glances and hurried over to haul Remus outside.

I took one of Remus's arms and he allowed himself to be pulled away without any real protest. Before following us, I heard Sirius address Dumbledore - "This doesn't mean I don't think he has a point,  _sir_." He caught us up and heaved Remus's other arm over his shoulder. We all burst out into the open air together.

"You all right mate?" asked Sirius.

Remus was breathing hard. "I just got so angry! Didn't mean to make a scene… but fuck! How could he let Snape change sides no questions asked, but you go straight to Azkaban without a trial!"

"Yeah I know - I'm bloody pissed off too. I'm going to have it out with him don't worry – but time and a place – you know?"

"I'm sorry…."

"Nah it's all good, was about two Firewhiskeys away from going off myself," joked Sirius. He continued, "the person we should really be angry at though is Wormtail, we can't forget that. How could he do what he did?!"

"His animagi was a rat – a freaking rat! How didn't we see it?" raged Remus.

"How long was he spying on us?!" seethed Sirius.

"I thought he was our friend!"

"I didn't even suspect him!" I cried. "I mean… the last time I saw him he seemed down... but I figured that was because we'd just heard about Marlene and Dorcas."

Remus snorted. "Down my arse. Traitorous bloody RAT!"

"I would have died before I betrayed any of you," snarled Sirius.

"As would I," agreed Remus.

"He deserves to die for what he did."

We had been walking as we talked and without really realizing it we ended up outside our old cottage. I inhaled sharply. It really did look like there had been an explosion in Harry's room. Sirius squeezed my hand gently.

"Ok Lils?"

I nodded. "I…I'll stay out here. It's ok." I replied to Sirius's searching look.

The plan had been to go by the house after the funeral to collect some belongings – clothes, books, photos, Harry's toys. From there Sirius and I would get a portkey back to his flat and Remus would apparate home.

I watched Sirius and Remus step hesitantly inside. I hoped they'd find my wand. I felt a bit twitchy standing in the open without it. It was so difficult to let down your guard after you had spent the best part of the last two years in constant hiding.

A thought occurred to me, and I walked around the back of the house to the broom shed. I'd better get James's broom – he would want Harry to have it when he was older. I tried the lock and swore softly at finding myself unable to open it. I was so useless without a wand! I wandered around the small garden absent-mindedly, trying to soothe Harry who was really starting to fuss now. He should have been put down for a nap two hours ago.

Looking around I caught a glimpse of ginger high up in the branches of a tree. Tufty! I moved closer and peered up. There she was, clinging to an out-of-reach branch. She looked scared and miserable. "Here puss puss, here Tufty." She merely looked at me. Damn, I was going to have to get one of the boys to levitate her down.

"Lils?" called Remus.

"I'm out the back!" I called in return.

They both rushed around the house together. "Everything all right?" asked Sirius.

"I've found Tufty!" I cried. "Look – just there!"

"Oh wow, good find Lils!" said Sirius. He was holding something out to me. "Here, thought you'd want this."

My wand! I eagerly reached for it and felt it grow warm in my grip. I pointed it towards Tufty and performed the reverse 'swish and flick' motion to gently float her down to the ground. I put Harry down and crouched down beside him.

"Here Tufty. You poor little cat. Come here girl." Hesitantly Tufty moved over towards us. She seemed to suddenly realize it was safe and began to rub her head against my legs while purring loudly.

"Tufy!" exclaimed Harry. He clumsily gave her a pat and was nearly knocked over when she butted her head into him.

Sirius and Remus had a trunk each – mine and James's old school trunks I realized.

"We got what we could," said Remus. "We had to leave some of the books and James's clothes…" he continued apologetically.

"It's fine," I assured him. "Thanks for doing that for me."

"Shall we be off then?" asked Sirius.

"Oh hang on – I have to get James's broom." I went back over to the shed and muttered a quick  _alohomora_  to open the lock. My breath caught and I had to fight back tears as I lifted the broom carefully off its stand. This would have to have been James's most prized possession. So many memories of him on this broom… I quickly wiped my eyes and stepped back outside.

"Ok, lets go."

* * *

Sirius, Harry, Tufty and I all arrived by portky at Sirius's flat on the outskirts of Hogsmeade. As Sirius and I were holding a trunk each, and I was carrying Harry with my free arm and Sirius held the cat with his, we'd had to coax Harry to grab hold of the dirty old gumboot we'd turned into a portkey.

Sirius gave us the 'grand tour' even though we'd been over to his flat numerous times. He opened the guest room – what would now be our room, with a flourish and then stood back waiting for my reaction.

"Oh Sirius – it looks great!" I exclaimed. "You didn't have to do all this!" It was a large room, and Sirius had set it up with a queen size bed on one side and a cot on the other. The cot had a gorgeous Quidditch mobile hanging above it, complete right down to the individual moving balls. There was a change table, as well as a small bookcase and easy chair. A fluffy toy owl was nested on top of the cot and I could see there were a few books already on the bookcase – toddler books as well as some for me.

"This is so thoughtful – you're going to make me cry again!"

Sirius smiled "It's nothing. I just wanted to help make you feel a bit at home here."

I quickly settled a very cranky Harry into his new cot and thankfully it wasn't long until he fell asleep. We transfigured a bed and food and water dishes for Tufty and got her all settled in as well. With a sigh of relief I finally collapsed onto the couch beside Sirius.

"I'm so glad this day is nearly over." I said.

"Same," agreed Sirius. "If we could get through today we can get through anything I reckon."

We sat there in comfortable silence for a short time before Sirius spoke again.

"Harry was a little trooper today hey? I swear I was going to backhand the next person who tried to touch his scar!"

I smiled. "Same. I was fantasying about punching this one lady." Sirius chuckled softly.

"Hey Si?"

"Yeah?"

"There's something you should know if I'm going to be living with you."

"Oh?"

"I um… well, probably in the next few weeks I'm going to start throwing up all the time, and getting all hormonal and crabby, and getting weird cravings…"

Sirius sat bolt upright and stared at me "What! Are you… are you… pregnant?!"

I nodded silently, tears pouring down my cheeks.

"Oh Lily!" He moved closer and wrapped me up in one of his famous bear hugs, and we just sat there like that for a long time, both lost in our thoughts.


	8. St Mungo's

I heaved again, and closed my eyes so I wouldn't see the vomit splattering the inside of the toilet bowl. I felt  _awful_. I hadn't eaten anything yet this morning so I was only bringing up bile.

"Lily?" called Sirius. "You ok? Can I get you anything?"

I groaned. "Don't come in here." I sank down onto the cool tiles and willed my stomach to settle.

"Well I've got some toast here if you feel up to it," said Sirius. "I can owl Moody if you want, tell him I'm going to be a bit late?"

"No, you go. I'm fine."

"If you're sure? Harry is dressed, I've packed him a bag…"

"Go Sirius! It's just morning sickness, I'll be fine in a minute."

"Well… ok then. Good luck for today, I'm sure everything will be fine." I heard him say something to Harry and then finally the sound of the door closing.

I sighed and picked myself up off the bathroom floor. The nausea was abating a little now. I turned on the tap and splashed water on my face. It was three weeks now since James's funeral. Sirius and I had both wandered around his house like zombies for the first two weeks, just going through the motions of existing. A week ago Sirius had snapped and decided that he needed to be doing something; he couldn't just sit around the house anymore. He'd contacted Moody and practically begged to be admitted into the Hit Wizard program. The training involved lots of long hours, so I'd been spending lots of time at the flat lately with just Harry. I didn't quite know how I felt – on one hand I wanted to be left alone with my memories of James, but on the other hand I felt desperately lonely. Of course I couldn't say anything to Sirius – he was utterly focused on hunting down Wormtail, and the change in him in the last week was like a fire had been lit inside him. And obviously I also wanted Pettigrew to be brought to justice.

After brushing my teeth I walked out of the bathroom and tried my best to put on an upbeat tone for Harry.

"Ok, ready Harry? We're going into London today! How about that? We're going back to the hospital – remember the hospital Harry?" I gathered all our belongings, making sure there were nappies and a change of clothes. I sent a silent thank you to Sirius when I saw the carefully prepared snacks for Harry and crackers for me.

I threw a handful of floo powder into Sirius's fireplace, and then stepped into the emerald flames with Harry, who was hiding his face against my shirt.

"St Mungo's Hospital" I said clearly, and within a couple of minutes we were stepping out into the floo arrivals hall, which was located adjacent to the reception area. To access the main hospital I spoke to the picture of 'Medea' – one of St Mungo's founders, located beside a seemingly blank wall. "Lily and Harry Potter, to see Healer Wylder" The elderly witch in the portrait inclined her head and the section of wall in front of us became transparent, allowing us to pass through into the reception. I tried not to stare too hard at an unfortunate man who was red in the face and making a high pitched whistling sound as smoke poured out of his ears. A harassed looking lady and two red headed children were arriving from the main entrance at the same time we walked in. With a start I realized I knew the woman – Molly Weasley - Gideon and Fabian's little sister. The smallest boy looked to be about eight, and seemed to be trying not to cry as he cradled a badly broken arm. The taller one looked nearly Hogwarts age and in contrast seemed to be oblivious to the blood running down his face from a nasty head wound. I wonder what had happened? Fabian and Gideon had often spoken fondly of the daredevil stunts their nephews got up to. I tried to catch Molly's eye but she was busy ushering the boys over to the welcome witch.

I turned away and quickly made my way up to the fourth floor. I made myself known at the outpatient desk and took a seat. We didn't have to wait long before healer Wylder called us through to his office. He was very business-like as he took my weight, measurements and cast numerous diagnostic charms. He tutted and admonished me for not taking enough care of myself, as I had lost weight and was anaemic. I tried to explain that I had hardly been able to keep any food down and he tutted again and hastily scrawled out a script for a new potion. He then moved onto Harry, and seemed to brighten as he checked his scar.

"Hmm, very interesting…" he muttered to himself.

"Is everything ok?" I asked.

"Oh yes, yes. I just need to test…" he moved his wand and touched it to Harry's scar as he murmured a spell. To my shock Harry started to scream.

"STOP!" I yelled, "You're hurting him!"

"I'm sorry madam. It's a magic I haven't encountered before. I performed a simple probing spell… if I may?" He raised his wand a second time.

"No!" I cried, horrified. "Look, he's still crying!"

"I'm sorry, but I really must check it properly… there's a … hmm… dark aura."

"Well it's only a scar from Voldemort casting  _Avada Kedavra_." I said sarcastically. "Maybe that would account for its  _darkness_."

"Yes, well. However, I still need to check it."

"He seems fine, sleeps well and doesn't have any pain from it. Does it have to be right now?" I asked pointedly, comforting Harry whose cries had subsided to gulpy hiccups.

The healer sighed. "Fine. I'll check Harry's scar at a later appointment. Now, I'll write down the directions to healer Munroe's office. She will act as your midwife and will be meeting with you today."

"Ok, thank you." I acquiesced. Thank god a different healer would be looking after my pregnancy.

I fed Harry grapes as I chatted to Jane Munroe. She was sympathetic as I told her how weak and tired I felt all the time, not to mention the relentless morning sickness and seemingly constant headaches.

She performed her own scans and informed me the baby was slightly smaller than average – something to do with the placenta not being completely attached. She read the panic in my expression and assured me it wasn't anything to worry about. She wrote me out an additional script for another potion and kindly sent both scripts down to the potioneers, as the second one would take about an hour to be ready.

While we waited I took the opportunity to visit Alice and Frank again. I made my way up the corridor and cautiously pushed the door open, as I could hear some soft voices from inside. I was greeted with the sight of Frank's formidable mother, little Neville and a conscious Alice.

"Hello" I said shyly, "I'm so sorry to intrude…"

Augusta Longbottom's face smoothed as she recognised me. "Not at all Lily, come on in. Nice of you to visit."

I didn't know whether she genuinely meant it was nice I was there or if she was implying that I should have visited sooner. Frank's mother had always scared me a little. I smiled weakly at her and hesitantly walked in. Augusta was seated beside Frank, and Neville was sitting on the floor sucking on a play wand.

"Hi Neville," I said as he looked up curiously. "Remember Harry?" I put Harry down on the floor as well and the two seemed to quickly recognise each other. I spotted a battered looking toy dragon and passed it to Harry to play with. One wing was very bent and didn't flap properly but Harry didn't seem to care. As the two toddlers babbled unintelligible words at each other I sat down beside Alice.

"Hey Ali, good to see you." She was looking blankly around the room. Her gaze seemed to catch mine for a second but then her eyes flicked quickly across my face without recognition.

After about twenty awkward minutes I was ashamed to feel relief as the visit was cut short by Harry and Neville starting to wail. Apparently they both wanted to play with the same toy.

"No Harry!" I exclaimed. "You don't bite your friends. That's naughty!"

I apologised profusely to Augusta as we calmed the kids down. Before we left I planted a quick kiss on the top of Neville's head. "Your mum and dad love you so much," I whispered.

I walked around the corridors with Harry waving at all the moving portraits until my potions were ready. I tucked the flasks securely in my bag and we made our way back down to the exit. To my shock a flashlight exploded in my face. I drew my wand without thinking but realised as another flash went off that it was a reporter taking photos. He started to fire rapid questions at me as I ducked my head and hurried over to the floo hall.

"Has Harry been injured? Any long term spell damage? How are you coping with the death of your husband? Are you worried there are still dark wizards after you?"

Somehow I managed to get to a fire and say the address clearly enough to arrive back at Sirius's house. I stood in the living room unable to believe what had just happened. Harry was crying again. I had just managed to settle him in his cot when Sirius stormed through the front door with a murderous look on his face.

"God damn him to hell!" he exploded.

"Sirius!" I hissed. "I've just got Harry down!" I grabbed his arm and dragged him into the kitchen. "What on earth happened?"

"We were that close to catching Wormtail! Bloody Merlin, we nearly had him Lils!"

"What! What happened?!"

Sirius was pacing dramatically around the kitchen table.

"Bloody idiot thought he'd pass himself off as someone's pet rat. Good cover if I hadn't told the whole ministry about his little disguise." Sirius snorted and ran a hand through his dishevelled hair, breathing hard. "Lucky for us he chose a wizarding family where the husband actually worked for the ministry. He was suspicious right away - got a discrete owl off to his boss. Anyway, the whole hit team apparated in together. Took him completely by surprise! He knew he was had – made a bolt for it. We would have had him too if it wasn't for these couple of kids unlucky enough to come between us. Actually I'm sure Wormtail knew they were mucking around just there – used them as a cover." Sirius took a few deep breaths, trying to control himself.

"By Merlin Lily – I'm going to kill that bloody rat!"


	9. Christmas

_Dear Petunia_

_I hope this finds you well. I bet you've been busy organising Christmas lunch. I'm sure you're surprised to hear from me, given the outcome of our last meeting. I assure you I have no hard feelings. I hope Vernon and Dudley are well also._

_I apologise for the bluntness of this letter but I don't know how else to write this. A lot has changed since we last spoke. I'm now a widow. Please don't tell me that I'm better off without him. You never saw what a wonderful husband and father he was. I can't even begin to put into words how much I miss him._

_There's something else I have to tell you – you're going to be an aunt again. Turns out I was a few weeks pregnant when James died. You're the only relatives I have left in the world now. God Tuney, I miss mum and dad so much. They'd have been the best grandparents._

_Anyway, I don't expect you to reply or even to know what to say. I don't think anything anyone can say would help honestly. I'm a pregnant 21-year-old war widow, and there's nothing anyone can do to change that; I'm just going to have to keep on going for the sake of Harry and the baby._

_I hope you have a good Christmas,_

_Love Lily_

I put my pen down and sighed. For a short letter it had taken a surprisingly long time to write. In the end I'd just decided to be blunt and put it all down on the page. I checked over the letter quickly. I hadn't written the word 'widow' up until now, and it hurt to see it there in black and white. I wasn't really sure why I had bothered writing – Petunia was disgusted by what I was and I knew she had hated James. 'Freak' was the word she had favoured. It just didn't feel right though that she didn't know what was going on in my life. We had been close as children and I missed our connection. Christmas always made me think of family and happier times.

I rolled the letter up into a tight scroll and whistled over Hooti – Sirius's little tawny owl. His actual name was Tehuti but no one really called him that. He blinked sleepily at me while holding out his leg and then hooted softly before launching himself out the window.

The fire burst into life behind me, startling me slightly. This would be Remus on his way over. For Christmas Eve we'd decided that the three of us plus Harry would go for a walk through Hogsmeade, ostensibly for Harry's sake to see all the Christmas lights but really so we could all feel a bit normal again, doing normal Christmas things. Remus stepped out of the fire and smiled at me warmly.

"Merry Christmas Lily."

Harry toddled into the room just then – he must have heard the fire.

"Unc Moony!"

"Heya Harry!" Remus scooped Harry up and held him with one arm while he unslung a bag from his shoulder. "Where's the tree Harry?" Harry pointed eagerly. Remus made a show of noticing it. "Oh wow, what a great tree! Real fairy lights! Did you help decorate it? Better put this under it, hey?" Harry grinned delightedly while Remus bent down and carefully stowed his bundle beside the handful of presents already under the tree. Remus straightened up with a groan. "Gee you're getting heavy Harry! How much have you grown?" He walked over and kissed me on the cheek. "How're you doing Lils?" he asked softly. I shrugged

"Oh, you know, keeping busy. My 'morning sickness' is actually morning sickness now and not 'all day sickness,' so that's something."

"That's good. You look better."

"You're not going to say I'm  _glowing_  are you?"

"I wouldn't dare," grinned Remus. He hoisted Harry up onto his shoulders. "Alright are we going or what? Where's your uncle Padfoot Harry? Let's go find him."

Finally we were all assembled and ready to head out. Sirius and I shrugged on our winter coats and Harry insisted on staying on Remus's shoulders. I pulled my hood snugly over my head and opened the door. It looked magical outside. We'd just had a fresh fall of snow and there were still a few snowflakes falling softly. It was just starting to get dark so you could see there were enchanted candles surrounded by flitterby moths twinkling at nearly every house. It was a clear night so the stars just starting to appear in the sky added to the wonder of the whole spectacle. I felt my throat clench tight. How could a world without James seem so beautiful and magical?

We wandered slowly through the village, taking everything in. Hogsmeade was bustling with families and couples doing the same as us. I was glad that no one paid us much attention, and Harry wasn't the only small child on someone's shoulders exclaiming over everything. The highlight was old Mr Dearborn's house. He had somehow coaxed a small herd of reindeer into his front garden and they ambled about unconcernedly while fairies flittered around their antlers.

We wandered right through the town centre past groups of carollers and over to the other side of the village, where the crowds thinned out dramatically. We turned off the main road and made our way up the path to the shrieking shack. As we emerged at the small hillock overlooking the shack we came across a teenage couple locked together in a passionate embrace. Sirius cleared his throat loudly and they sprung apart shooting us a startled look and hurried quickly back down the path hand-in-hand, leaving us the area to ourselves. Sirius shook a rug out from his bag and laid it on the ground. We settled ourselves down and Sirius dug around in his bag some more.

"Ah ha!" he exclaimed. "Hot butterbeer." He brandished a large flask. "Non-alcoholic," he added, looking at me. "Oh, I forgot cups…" Remus rolled his eyes in a teasing manner and went about transfiguring some twigs into mugs. We sprawled comfortably on the rug with our hands cupped around our steaming mugs. I put a warming charm on Harry's frozen hands and snuggled him up beside me.

"Remember when we spent a whole Hogsmeade afternoon up here under the cloak?" asked Remus.

"Throwing snowballs at everyone that came past?" smirked Sirius. "Yeah I remember. And remember when we wrapped the cloak right around James while he was on his broom?"

"That's right! And he swooped everyone along the path."

I smiled. "What was the point of that?"

"It seriously unnerved people – you know, the feeling of something rushing by you but not being able to see anything," replied Remus.

"And it was our duty to uphold the rumours that the shack was haunted," said Sirius solemnly.

"What, the howling coming from the place every month wasn't enough?" I joked.

Sirius shrugged.

"Ah well, it was all in good fun." He turned to Remus. "Maybe we should have another full moon there, for old times sake?" Remus was silent for a moment before replying slowly.

"Nah…it…it wouldn't be the same." We sat there quietly for a short while, gazing up at the stars. Suddenly Sirius thrust his mug into the air.

"To James!"

"To James" we both echoed.

We lost track of time while we sat there talking quietly and reminiscing. Eventually we stretched and got to our feet, packing up our little picnic. We walked back to Sirius's place together, Sirius carrying Harry who was fast asleep. Back at the flat we tucked Harry in and then got Remus settled on the couch. Sleepily I said goodnight to both boys and slipped into bed.

* * *

Christmas morning dawned bright and crisp. I awoke to the smell of coffee wafting into my room. Rolling out of bed I noted that Harry's crib was empty. I freshened myself up in the bathroom before emerging into the living room, where I was a bit put out to see everyone else was already awake.

"Mama!" called Harry, reaching out for me.

"Merry Christmas Harry," I smiled. "Merry Christmas you two – what have you been up to?"

"Hey, I always wake up early!" protested Sirius. "I peeked in on the little tyke here and found he was awake too, so then we both went and jumped on Moony, hey Harry?" Harry grinned up at him.

Remus rubbed his side. "You didn't have to jump right on me," he said reproachfully. "Remember you do weigh a lot more than Harry."

Sirius gave him a friendly pat on the back, "Ah you'll be right old fella. Now, to business! Presents!"

"You don't want breakfast first?" I asked.

"Nah, breakfast can wait. We want presents, hey Harry!"

"Pwesents!" agreed Harry.

"Ah, I see I'm outnumbered!" I smiled and settled myself on the couch beside Remus and gratefully accepted the cup of coffee he handed me.

"Let's see…" Sirius looked around at the small pile of presents. "One for Harry first." He reached behind the tree and pulled out a slim, carefully wrapped package. "This one is from Uncle Moony too. Merry Christmas Harry."

"Merry Christmas," added Remus with a smile.

"Say ta," I said, before Harry could rip into the paper.

"Ta," he said obediently, then started to unwrap the package with Sirius's help.

"Boom!" he cried excitedly.

"We thought we'd replace his old one," said Sirius. "He seemed to like it so much."

"Boom boom boom!" cried Harry as he scrambled onto it.

"Oh god, here we go. Where's the poor cat?" I said laughingly. While Harry was occupied zooming around the room we exchanged gifts between ourselves.

Sirius eagerly distributed the rest of his gifts – a heavy rectangular package for me and a smaller, oddly shaped one for Remus, then sat back to watch impatiently while we unwrapped them. Mine was a beautiful hardbound book titled 'The Healer's Handbook.' I gasped.

"Thank you so much Sirius, this is  _the_  Healers book!"

He looked pleased. "Well, I thought maybe you'd like to get back into your Healer studies, now that the war is over. And if not, well," he shrugged, "I'm sure there's some good stuff in there for when the little terror here gets into some scrapes."

Remus's gift turned out to be a gorgeous gold watch. Sirius enthusiastically showed him how you could change the dial to show all sorts of different information including the phases of the moon.

Remus reached into the bag he'd placed under the tree and grinned when he saw which present he'd pulled out.

"Here you go Padfoot," he said as he passed it over. Sirius tore into it eagerly and laughed at the sight of a large plastic dog bone. "It squeaks," added Remus. I smiled as well – getting Sirius muggle dog toys was a running joke that the marauders had. A mischievous glint appeared in Sirius's eye and next second a large black dog was in our midst. He grabbed the toy off the couch and tore around the lounge room squeaking it madly. Harry squealed with delight and then promptly crashed his broom into the wall with a loud bang. Tufty the cat had just ventured into the room, lured by the wrapping paper strewn all about. Immediately all her hair went on end and she hissed before bolting away to safety.

Sirius changed back to himself and lay on the ground roaring with laughter. We quietened Harry who wasn't really hurt at all, as the broom had inbuilt cushioning charms. Our proper presents to Sirius were both along the same line of thought – things that a Hit Wizard might need. I got him a dragonhide chest plate and Remus gave him a new travelling cloak and wand holster. My present to Remus was a box of Honeyduke's best chocolate. In return he gave me a delicate locket shaped like a stag's head.

"Oh, thank you so much Moony." I said, tears forming in my eyes.

"Look," he said as he bent down to the locket and whispered "Prongs." It sprung open to reveal a photo of James with his head thrown back in laughter. As I watched he looked to his side and I recognised myself as he pulled me close and kissed my hair. I was laughing too. It looked to have been taken at our engagement party. I wiped away tears; I could hardly trust myself to speak. "Thank you," I whispered. Both boys hugged me tight. Harry must have felt left out as he came over and grabbed my leg.

"Hawwy up!" he demanded, lightening the mood.

* * *

Later in the morning I was cleaning up after breakfast when Hooti appeared at the window. To my surprise he carried a slip of paper.

_Lily_

_I'm not going to lie – I was shocked to receive your letter. Despite what you think of me I'm sorry to hear that you are widowed. And to be pregnant on top of that - I hope you have good friends around you to support you at this time. You're right – there really isn't anything I can say that would help, so I won't. I'm sure you've had plenty of people murmur the same condolences about time healing all. God knows we heard enough of those when mum and dad died. I think of them everyday. I'm also sorry that Dudley won't know his grandparents. And I am honesty saddened that both your children will grow up without their father. How far along are you? I shouldn't be telling you this yet – but I'm expecting again as well. I'm only six weeks along._

_Petunia_

_PS_ _Do not_ _send owls to our house. You're lucky Vernon wasn't at home when it arrived or he would have had a conniption._


	10. Twenty-two

30th January 1982

I woke up feeling strange. I lay quietly in bed – what was different about today? My duvet had half fallen off in the night and my legs were freezing. That wasn't it though. With a jolt I remembered - I was twenty-two today. I used to get excited by my birthdays, but now I just felt numb. James would never turn twenty-two.  
I couldn't help remembering my birthday the previous year. I'd woken up feeling warm and snug beside James. His arm had been thrown lazily over my waist, and as I stirred he'd sleepily stretched and then snuggled me close. He'd whispered huskily in my ear – 'Happy birthday gorgeous.' Harry had been six months old at the time and for whatever reason he hadn't woken up at the crack of dawn for once, so James and I were able to have a stolen morning in bed together. Even though we were in hiding we still had each other and felt safe in our little family unit.  
I stared up at the ceiling, unable to stop myself remembering. Now that was all gone. No, not all gone, I corrected myself. I still had Harry. I still had Sirius and Remus. Not to mention my 'unexpected news.' I absent-mindedly caressed my stomach. I was about four months pregnant. Other people might not observe the slight bump under my clothes, but my new curves were very noticeable to me now.

We would be having a quiet gathering later in the day, just Remus, Sirius, Mary and Abby – my nurse from St Mungo's. I'd run into Abby again when I had to go back to St Mungo's for another quick check-up with my Healer, and we'd ended up getting coffee together. We'd been catching up regularly since then and had become close in a short period of time. I sighed and reluctantly rolled out of bed. If it were up to me I'd probably spend my day sitting by James's grave lost in my memories. Probably not very healthy to do that though, and it would undoubtedly just alarm my friends. I squeezed the bronze locket that I wore always now. I was so sick of putting on a brave face all the time!

I'd insisted that I wanted a quiet birthday and no presents. Sirius had mostly listened to me, although there was a beautiful arrangement of lilies on the kitchen table when I walked in.

"Oh those," he said casually, "You know me – always sprucing the place up. Complete coincidence they turned up today." He grinned and slung an arm around shoulders, hugging me close for a second. Sirius served up a delicious pancake breakfast and then I spent a nice morning with Harry reading stories from Beedle the Bard and Dr Seuss while Sirius tinkered around with his bike. It was a Saturday so he didn't have to go into work.

Sirius had taken Harry out with him to grab a few last minute things before our guests arrived. I had just sat down to read my book when there was a tap on the door. Sirius must have forgotten his key. We'd increased the security on the door so that no spell could unlock it, only the enchanted key that we each had. Sirius kept forgetting his – this would be the third time now. I glanced through the peephole and froze with shock. I opened the door roughly.

"What are you doing here?" I hissed.

Severus Snape arched an eyebrow "Can't an old friend come by to wish you a happy birthday?"

"Not if they're a Death Eater they can't. You're not welcome here."

Severus held out his hands palms up "Please Lily…"

"Don't 'please Lily' me!" I interrupted. "How dare you show up here! Were you watching the house?"

"I need to talk to you."

"Well I don't wish to talk to  _you_." I spat. "Please leave."

Severus crossed his arms.

"You need to leave! I have nothing to say to you, and Merlin knows what the reporters will say if they see you on my front step!"

Severus scowled. "I'm not leaving until I've said what I came to say."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and took a slow breath in and out. Sirius would have a fit if he knew Severus was here. I stepped back and gestured sharply. "You've got two minutes."

I shut the door quickly and turned back around to face him. I crossed my arms and leant against the wall. "Well?"

"No 'have a seat' or 'anything to drink?'" drawled Severus.

"I am  _this close_  to blasting you through the wall" I hissed.

"Alright, alright. I just wanted to see how you were… how are you doing?"

"What's it to you?"

"I know how it can be – all the messages and flowers and everything in the first few weeks, and then they all move on… get back to their own lives. I just wanted to say… if there's anything I can do or…?"

"You're joking," I cut him off. "You've been working for the supremacist lunatic who murdered my husband and most of my friends for the last, what – five years? And you think it's ok to waltz into my home and ask how I'm doing?!"

Severus had a pained look on his face. "I know, I know, I've got no right! I should have stayed away."

"Yeah, you probably should have."

"You heard, didn't you, that I changed sides? I was a spy for the Order before his downfall…"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh sure. And Malfoy and Nott were under the  _Imperius_  curse, and Crouch was just in the wrong place at the wrong time…"

"It's true! You can ask Dumbledore! I swear Lily!"

I snorted. "Ok, so you were only a Death Eater for four years, that makes it  _so_  much better."

"I'd take it all back Lily! There's nothing I will ever regret more. I'm sorry… that's what I really wanted to say Lily – I'm so, so sorry." He was starting to cry.

"Well, sorry isn't going to bring back the dead." I watched him with disgust as he wept into his hands. "Anyway, if that's true… why the change of heart?"

Severus took a shuddering breath. "It was the prophecy…"

I inhaled quickly. "What about the prophecy?"

"He thought it meant you!"

"That it meant  _Harry_." I corrected sharply.

"Yes, that's what I meant. He took it to mean Harry – which meant he'd kill all of you."

"So? I'm a 'mudblood,' – he'd already tried to kill me more than once. My 'type' is what you were all so bloody fixed on eradicating, remember?"

"I know! That's when I came to my senses – when he was after you and your baby. You! You were the most charismatic, kindest, smartest person in our year. And Harry was just a baby! It was so wrong. I realised I had been wrong – you hadn't done anything to deserve to die! You weren't a blight against wizard-kind. Far from it! That's when I went to Dumbledore; I told him everything. I begged him to protect you. He was supposed to protect you damnit!"

"Yeah, you can thank Pettigrew for that." I said bitterly. "Wait – so you went and pleaded with Dumbledore… did you go to Voldemort too? Did you ask him to spare me?"

Severus nodded slowly. "Yes. I asked him to spare you."

"Just me? Not the innocent baby? Not James – the other person in the house who wasn't implicated in the prophecy?"

Severus's face darkened. "Well, I'd hardly beg for the life of the person who'd made my school years a living hell."

"He pranked you and called you Snivellus for god's sake! Yes – it wasn't nice, but surely not worth being murdered for!"

"Yeah well, you're such a bloody saint, I guess you would plead the Dark Lord for the life of your childhood bully," he sneered. "Not that you'd even know how it feels to be bullied."

"Ok, fine. I guess I don't. As far as I remember though you initiated loads of those pranks, and you always gave as good as you got."

"Oh what, I was supposed to let his little gang walk all over me was I?"

"Of course not! Urgh!" I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. "I shouldn't have said that – of course you wouldn't ask for James to be spared too. I don't get it though – why did you even ask that I be spared? We haven't been friends since fifth year."

"I told you – I came to my senses. Your death would have been exceedingly wasteful."

I glared at him suspiciously. "I wish you'd had your little 'revelation' before all the other innocent people with their whole lives ahead of them died at the hands of the Death Eaters." I groaned with frustration again. "Fuck – I suppose I should be thanking you."

"No, you don't need to do that. I'm shocked that he even listened to me."

"I've always wondered why I survived that night. Now I know."

"Please forgive me Lily?"

I felt my face harden again. "Look, I'm thankful I'm alive, and I'm glad you came around at the end – but I don't think it makes up for all those years you were a loyal Death Eater. I lost most of the people I was closest to – maybe not directly at your hands, but through the organisation you were involved in. Thanks to Voldemort and his followers like you, my kids will grow up without their father." I froze – hopefully Severus wouldn't notice the slip of my tongue, but I had unconsciously touched my stomach while I spoke, and he was too observant to miss the movement.

His eyes widened in surprise. "You're not…?"

"Yes, I'm pregnant." I snapped.

"Is it… his?"

"Is it James's? Of course it bloody is! Who else but my husband! You think I'm some whore, do you?

He started to stammer something incomprehensible but I cut him off by swinging the door open. "Get the hell out Severus. Don't come back here again."

 


	11. Flight

I hummed under my breath as I supervised the pots simmering away on Sirius's stove. Flicking my wand to keep the spoon stirring, I opened the window to cut some parsley from my little windowsill herb garden. The large pot of pumpkin soup was for Remus. I was really worried about him; he was struggling to find even part-time work and I wasn't sure how well he was eating. He tried to hide it, but I knew he was drinking a lot as well. The smaller pot was a hangover remedy. This one I stirred myself – potions needed precisely counted clockwise and counter-clockwise stirs if you wanted it to be any good.

Just as I finished up, a large barn own appeared at the open window. I had taken to getting the paper delivered, even though it was only a short walk down to Hogsmeade's main street. There were often one or two reporters who would accost me as I left the flat. Surely there was something more interesting to report on by now? I didn't feel it was very healthy for Harry to be cooped up inside all the time though, so lately I had been flooing to friends' houses and going for walks around their neighbourhoods. I still had to be careful doing this, as the few friends I had mainly lived in wizard-dense areas where we were at risk of being recognised. A lot of the time we went to Remus's cottage and wandered around in the woods – when there wasn't a full moon of course. Tonight was one of those times. Sirius was preparing to head over to Remus's shortly. He'd got an early mark from work and been in the shower for at least twenty minutes already. Merlin knew why he bothered seeing as though he'd spend the night running around in a forest with a werewolf.

I absent-mindedly paid the owl and began to unroll the Prophet. The date at the top read the 8th of February 1982. I unrolled it further and nearly dropped it in shock. Blazoned across the front page was the headline 'KNOCKED UP BY DEAD HUSBAND'S BEST FRIEND!' It was completed by a full-page photograph of me that must have been taken just three days ago, as I rushed through St Mungo's on the way home from yet another check-up. I looked frazzled and was just barely showing in the photo as I raced past the camera, trying to shield my face. Horrified, I skimmed over the article. Apparently I was three months pregnant, Sirius having taken advantage of me mere weeks after the soil had settled on my brave husband's grave.

The paper started to crinkle as I clenched it with white-knuckled hands.

"SIRIUS!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm finishing up, hold your hippogriffs."

"No, it's the paper! This awful article – it's on the front page!"

"Huh?" I heard the water turn off and within moments Sirius emerged from the bathroom with a towel around his waist, shaking the water from his hair like a dog.

Wordlessly I thrust the paper at him. As he read I watched as his brow furrowed deeper and he became more and more red in the face. Finally he threw the paper down. "What bloody rot! How dare they! Who wrote this?"

"Didn't look." I snatched the paper back up. "It doesn't say."

"Bloody coward. Right, I'm going to sort this out. They can't keep publishing this." He grabbed his wand and key off the table. "Accio pants. Accio shirt."

"What? You're going right now?"

"I'm going to get them to stop printing this utter hogwash and issue an apology!"

"Oh ok…but won't Remus be wondering where you are?"

Sirius paused. "Damn… nah it's ok, I'll send him an owl."

"Sirius, what difference is it going to make going to the Prophet? The article is already published!"

Sirius looked at me incredulously. "Aren't you angry about this?!"

"Of course I am! I just don't see how going over there while you're upset and making a scene will change anything!"

"Lily that article is about me too! There are people out there who will believe what it says! That I would do something like that… there are people who would think that of me!"

"No-one who really matters would think that of you…"

"You think?! There are people who still half believe it was me who sold you to Voldemort! Don't you give me that look – I hear them muttering to their friends as I walk by!"

I threw my hands up. "Alright! Go! I just still don't see how it will help…"

"Well I can get them to stop printing it, can't I? And I can make sure they print a retraction in tomorrow's paper, otherwise I'll take them to court. And yeah you're right – the damage has been done – but I'm not going to sit on my hands and do nothing!"

I turned away as he finished dressing.

"Shit…are you crying Lils? I'm sorry…"

I wiped away a tear hurriedly. "No – you're right, I was being silly. Sorry - I don't know why I'm crying, just upset and angry I guess."

Sirius paused at the door and watched me concernedly.

"Go Sirius! See if you can sort it… don't worry about me – stupid pregnancy hormones!"

Sirius half smiled and stooped to check the peephole. He swore again. "The reporters are already swarming out the front! Damn them. I hate using the floo."

He stalked over to the fireplace while I followed. We could only apparate from outside the flat, due to all the wards in place.

"Owl Moony for me would you Lily?"

I nodded. "Sure."

"I'll head round to his as soon as I sort all this out. Don't go outside – it's insane out there. I'll be back in the morning, alright?"

"Alright, see you. Be safe."

He winked and stepped into the flames. "The Daily Prophet Headquarters."

I turned away from the fireplace and tried to gather my thoughts. I checked in on Harry first. He was lying in his cot, staring at the quiddich mobile above his head.

"Hey Harry. Time to get up, yeah?"

I lifted him out of his cot, checked his nappy and then carried him into the kitchen. I set him up on the floor with some paper and crayons as lately he'd been enjoying scribbling. Unfortunately his preferred canvas was a wall, but at least it was easy enough to clean off. Satisfied that he was occupied, I wrote a quick note to Remus telling him what had happened, and that Sirius would be along a bit later. I deliberated for a second about what to do about the soup and hangover potion canisters. In the end I tied them together with a loop at the top for Hooti to grab onto, and cast a shrinking charm and a featherweight charm on them. Poor Hooti was only little after-all. As he launched himself out the window I heard a shout from someone out the front of the house. I hoped they weren't so intrusive that they'd try to follow the owl. They'd be in for a surprise if they did anyway.

I played with Harry for a while, making silly voices for his toy dragons while inside I was seething over the article, hearing the words of it in my head over and over. I decided we'd have an early supper, so I served up the small portion of soup I'd kept aside for us. The reporters must have become bored, as soon they got bolder – one of them even knocking on the door. I shushed Harry, who kept asking who was there.

"Lily Potter? Care to make a comment?"

I got out Harry's broom to distract him, while I curled up on the couch with my book and tried my best to ignore the noise from outside. Most of it was muffled but I could occasionally make out our names. Another couple of people knocked on the door. I was getting tenser and more on-edge as the evening wore on. The last straw was when I clearly heard someone yell "Slut!"

I got to my feet. Screw this; there was no way I could stay here tonight. I needed to get as far away from here as possible. I went into my room and started throwing things in a bag. I'd just get away for a few days, while everything settled down again. Bag packed, I sat down at the kitchen table and scrawled a quick note to Sirius.

I glanced around the flat – did I have everything? Tufty brushed herself against my legs and mewed mournfully. "Oh Tufty, I'm sorry. I think you'll be happier if you stay here though. Sirius will look after you."

Tufty gave me a hard look. "Don't look at me like that, you'll be fine." I shook some extra biscuits into her bowl. She'd never liked Sirius – not since the first time she'd seen him transform into Padfoot.

I gathered Harry and stepped into the Floo, without much more than a vague plan to get as far away from the wizarding world as possible. I hesitated before stating an address. If they weren't expecting someone, most people deactivated incoming Floo connections after a certain time, so they couldn't be broken into while they slept. After a few seconds I made a decision. "The Leaky Cauldron."

I held Harry close and watched the fireplaces flick past. Finally we came to a stop and I hurried through the bar, which was nearly empty, it being a Monday night. I stepped out into muggle London and walked a short way down the street before I allowed myself to relax and take in the familiar sounds of traffic and people bustling along. I thrust out my wand arm and with a sharp 'BANG' the Knight bus appeared in front of us. I gave the conductor the most muggle address I could think of.

A short time later we arrived in a neat little suburb.

"Sure this is right miss?" asked the conductor.

"Yep, this is it." I cast a gentle confundus charm on him as we disembarked, so that he would get the address a bit muddled. He didn't seem to recognise us, but I wasn't taking any chances.

Up until this point I had been very hasty and impulsive, but now I walked up the path with trepidation, starting to regret my decision. I steeled myself and knocked on the door.

The porch light flicked on and I heard light steps approaching. There was a pause as they reached the door, and I held my breath. Finally the door swung open.

"Hello Tuney."


	12. Petunia

"Lily, what on earth are you doing here?" hissed Petunia.

I was struck by how similar her reaction was to mine just a week previously when Severus had turned up on my doorstep.

"I…I'm sorry. Something's happened – I needed to get away and I didn't know where else to go."

Petunia pursed her lips and looked us up and down. "Have you been hurt?"

"No," I answered quickly. "Nothing like that."

Petunia was standing in the hall, with the door open only as much as necessary. "Well it's very rude to just turn up without warning. Don't you have friends? Doesn't  _your kind_  have such a thing as a hotel?"

I looked down for a moment and scuffed my foot on the ground. "That's the thing… I wanted to get away from 'my kind.' I'd have gone to a hotel but I don't have any mug…money."

"No money?" Petunia scoffed.

"No pounds," I corrected. "I'll change my money when the shops open tomorrow."

Petunia looked unimpressed. She glanced around furtively at the houses on either side.

I sighed. "Look, this was a stupid idea – I don't know what I was thinking. Sorry to bother you. We'll go find a shelter or something." I turned and walked slowly back down the path. Was I really surprised? What did I think would happen – Petunia would welcome us with open arms? I internally berated myself. So stupid. Now where would we go?

"Lily wait."

I paused and hesitantly faced my sister. She was still standing in the doorway, looking torn. "One night. That's it. Vernon gets back tomorrow and there must be no trace that you were here."

"Thank you." I said softly.

"Hmph." She stepped back to let us in, and then closed the door quickly behind us.

"Where is Vernon?" I ventured.

"Business trip." she replied shortly. "I'll have to make up the spare bed."

"That's ok – just show me where the sheets are and I'll do it."

Petunia went to make her way up the staircase.

"This is your nephew Harry, by the way."

Harry peeked at her shyly, his head tucked close to my neck.

"Hmph," she said again, giving him a cursory look. "Very untidy hair."

I bit back a rude retort and followed her upstairs.

"Dudley is already asleep, so don't make any noise." She passed me an armful of linen and gestured us towards the spare bedroom. "The bathroom is on the right."

I smiled weakly. "Thanks Tuney. Goodnight."

She inclined her head stiffly and entered her own room, shutting the door swiftly behind her.

"Alrighty then." I tore my eyes away from Petunia's closed door and nudged open the door to the guest bedroom. It was a small, sparse room, and meticulously clean. "Well Harry, how about you pick out a bedtime story while mum makes the bed."

After Harry had fallen asleep, I lay awake for a while, listening to him breathe beside me. I certainly wouldn't be hanging around the next day – the feeling was mutual there. I had no doubts that if Vernon had been home then Petunia would have sent us on our way. I should be thankful for small miracles I guess.

* * *

I startled awake the next morning at the sound of a toddler bawling. After a second I realised Harry was still sleeping peacefully beside me and I remembered where we were.

I heard Petunia's voice clearly through the thin walls.

"There's my little Duddeykins!" she cooed loudly. "Oh, my poor little Dinkey Duddey, have you got a dirty nappy-poo?"

I rolled my eyes and tried to edge out of bed without waking Harry. Unfortunately he did wake, and promptly began to cry at finding himself somewhere strange. I laid back down and cuddled him close.

"Shhh, it's ok Harry. Mama's here."

After settling Harry I peered out the window. It was a dull, grey, miserable morning. Great – exactly fitting with my mood.

I lingered in the bedroom, making the bed and packing up our few belongings while I listened to Petunia and Dudley's movements. Only once they'd gone downstairs did I venture into the bathroom. I told myself it wasn't cowardly, just polite.

I descended the stairs carrying Harry on my hip and deposited our bag by the front door, before emerging into the kitchen. You never knew when you might need to make a hasty exit. Dudley was sitting in his high chair, banging his spoon impatiently, while Petunia was busy stirring a pot on the stove.

"Good morning Petunia." I greeted her formally.

She half turned towards us. "Morning. I trust you slept well."

"Yes thank you, very well." There was an awkward silence. I cleared my throat softly. "Anything I can help you with?"

"No, thank you," she replied stiffly. "I'm making porridge, but there is cereal or toast if you'd prefer that."

"Porridge is perfect, thanks." I hesitantly seated myself at the table, moving Harry onto my lap.

"Hello Dudley - I'm your Aunty Lily." I gave him a friendly smile. "And this is your cousin Harry."

Dudley continued to drum his spoon on his high chair, watching us intently.

"Harry, this is Dudley. Can you say 'Dudley'?" Harry shyly mumbled something that might have started with D. "How about you Dudley, can you say 'Harry'?"

"Shan't!" yelled Dudley.

"Oh, that's ok," I replied, taken aback.

"That's his favourite word." Petunia informed me.

"That's nice."

* * *

Breakfast was a terse, awkward affair. Dudley threw a tantrum, flinging porridge around the room, while Harry and I watched on wide-eyed.

"He must have reached the 'Terrible Twos' early," I joked, which was met with stony-faced silence by Petunia.

After breakfast, Petunia turned on the TV and settled Dudley in front of it. Harry gravitated over, watching the TV with fascination and sat down beside Dudley. I smiled to see the two little cousins sitting together - one small child with wild dark hair, and the other chubby with neat blonde hair.

I helped Petunia in the kitchen, silently drying the dishes that she washed. I fished around for something to say, something that we might have in common.

"So, have you had any morning sickness? I had it quite bad – it's only in the last week really that…" I trailed off. Petunia had suddenly frozen and was staring out of the window. "Tuney? Did I say something…?"

She spoke so quietly that I nearly didn't hear her. "I lost the baby."

"No!" I breathed, aghast. "Oh Tuney, I'm so sorry!" I moved to hug her, but she tensed up and I let my arm drop awkwardly to my side. "God Tuney, that's awful. I couldn't even imagine…"

A single tear coursed down her cheek. "It happened two weeks ago. I found out just before we were about to announce it to our friends."

Tentatively I touched her arm. She stiffened, but didn't move away.

"I'm so sorry Tuney – here I am just turning up out of the blue, all self absorbed with my own problems… I had no idea…."

Her tears were coming faster now. I looked around hastily for a box of tissues. Failing that, I hugged her properly. She passively let me do it and then pulled away. She fished a handkerchief out of her pocket and composed herself. "Yes, well. It always was just about you."

"Excuse me?"

"Growing up I mean - it was always 'Lily this', and 'Lily that'. Not surprising that you'd only think of yourself."

I was speechless for a few seconds. "Petunia – how was I to know! All I was thinking was that you're my  _sister_  and I had no-where else to go!"

She rounded on me. "But you know how Vernon and I feel about  _your lot_! Turning up here… exposing Dudley to your…strangeness!"

"It's not bloody contagious!"

She ignored me and continued. "And now I'll have to tell Vernon you were here, because Dudley will be babbling about 'Harry' and 'Lily.'"

"Well, why did you let me stay then?"

Petunia glared at me. "I don't know. Must have had a momentary brain snap."

I scowled back at her. "Well, we'll be on our way then, before Dudley starts pulling rabbits out of hats." I turned on my heel and marched into the living room. No one else could make me as angry as what my sister could.

As I entered the living room I halted, bemused by what I saw. Harry had found a broom somewhere and was straddling it. He repeatedly squatted and then straightened, a frustrated look on his face as he tried to make it take off. "Boom, boom!" he exclaimed.

"Oh, um… that's not your broom Harry. That one doesn't work." I hurried over and grabbed his hand, disentangling him from the broom. "Leave it Harry, we're going now." I hurried past Petunia, pulling a howling Harry along with me. If I wasn't so mortified I would have burst into laughter at the horrified expression on her face. We sped out the front door, and lacking a better plan I started to walk up the street.

* * *

After walking for about twenty minutes we arrived at a smattering of shops. I'd picked the busier-looking street at each main intersection, and was pleasantly warm after our walk. Harry had calmed down, and I'd carried him most of the way. I was sorely tempted to transfigure a pram or even cast a lightweight charm on him, but I didn't want to risk being caught with my wand out, what with all the muggles driving or walking past. We walked a little further and I was pleased to spy a pawnshop. A little bell tingled as we entered the dingy interior. A greying man peered at us from the counter. "Can I help you?" he enquired.

"Ah yes. My erm, great-uncle passed, and we found these amongst his possessions." I spread a handful of gold galleons on the counter. "He was a sailor – he travelled all over and must have brought these back." We haggled for a short time, until I left the shop with just under £120.

We next went to a small corner shop to stock up on essentials such as nappies and snacks, before following the kindly storekeeper's directions to a little Bed and Breakfast. With relief I deposited my load and sprawled out on the bed. Freedom! I couldn't believe it – I'd walked all over, been to two different shops, and no one knew who I was! No pointing after us, no whispers, no photos! It was glorious.

I thought back on my morning. Petunia's tragedy had really put everything into perspective for me. I didn't know what I would do if I lost my baby. Tears sprung to my eyes. I had a lot to be thankful for really. I started to plan out the rest of our day. I'd walked past a café close by – we might go out for lunch. I was a bit sick of walking, so after that we might go and see a movie – so many possibilities! I might stay a muggle for a while longer – it certainly had some advantages.


End file.
